Gateways

Yesterday was my first official day in my amazing space downtown. As I busied myself before my first appointment I remembered a thousand and one things that were crucial and needed immediate doing. This is how it always happens. That is, how I lose track of time and end up late. It was only while speedwalking downtown that I realized I had not left time to buy tape to put up my new door signs that my husband just finished designing. Rather than be more stressed and more late, I thought I would just put the sign up after my last appointment. Big mistake.

None of my clients could find the space. Even though they all immediately went to the right door number they were terrified to knock on the door because my name wasn’t there. I ended up in the hallway ushering flustered and stressed clients into my office. That wasn’t how I had imagined it. I want the step into the waiting room to be the first step towards recovery, not the first step towards raising one’s blood pressure.

Then I returned home and checked messages to find that no one had left a message all day long. I was crushed, not a single person had called. Then I realized I hadn’t put my new business announcement on my voicemail message. That is when it hit. Gateways. All the doorways, all the avenues, all the entrances to my new business were blocked. What a way to send the signal out to the universe that I am still a hurried and frantic rush of preparations.

So here it is. The signs are on the door. The message has been changed. Preparations will never be fully done, but I am ready to start. I declare to all the universe that I am now ready and willing to treat people. Let the phone calls and emails and inquiries begin.

All of this makes me think about a friend who after years of feeling stuck in a challenging job decided to clear away the overgrown bushes from the front yard of her house and almost immediately she got a new job and changed her life.

Gateways are important. Think about the quality of the immune system as we head into flu season. Think about the importance of boundaries in professional and personal relationships. Gateways make or break us. For three years I’ve been telling people I’m tired. And while it was true, it was a way of closing doors. In the last year of grad school I didn’t sub for the other yoga teachers at the Y and my class attendance dropped a little. Not much, but definitely a little. You might think they are not related, but I do. I was saying no to everything. Every gateway in my life was closed to get me through to the end of school.

Things are different now. After six weeks of sleeping in my own bed I am feeling quite recharged. I’m living in the moment in between a forward fold and backbend where you resettle the spine, soften the body and then anchor down through the tail to flow open. I’m right there, right now. The number of doors and windows necessary to open this business, and to really return to my community, feels immense. But I’m up for the challenge.

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